Features

Tomboy Tarts Prickly Picks: September

What news events catch the eye of the Tomboy Tirade crew this September?  The co-hosts of Asia’s biggest and only all-female comedy chat podcast, Persis and Raven give their prickly picks for the month. Founded in 2013, Tomboy Tirade (pronounced Tomboy Tee-rahd, the way we like to say it) is a no-holds comedy chat podcast with a whole lot of geek and humour thrown into every episode.

PRICKLY PICK #1 – Elon Musk Has A Lousy September

Even the eccentric car-loving billionaire is no stranger to dating woes. As we found out over leaked email snippets, Elon Musk had tried without success to meet up with Amanda Heard for the past three years. Now he is apparently friend-zoned by the estranged ex-wife of Johnny Depp as her team claimed “they are just friends”.

To make matters worse, one of space X’s Falcon 9 rocket went up literally in smoke during a test fire recently. No injuries were reported but the explosion did destroy some precious cargo in addition to the rocket itself—Facebook’s Amos 6 satellite, which was part of Mark Zuckerberg’s grand plan to bring internet to the developing world. Naturally, the Facebook founder was not pleased. But that wasn’t all—by the time the day was over, Musk had lost nearly $780 million due to a sharp drop in stock prices, together with Mark Zuckerberg’s love. Last we heard “Wake me up when September ends” is on repeated rotation in his new iTunes playlist.

PRICKLY PICK #2 – Leonardo DiCaprio Urged To Repay Donations Linked To Malaysian Embezzlement Scandal

Leonardo DiCaprio was set to host a $33,400-a-head fundraiser for Hillary Clinton until he suddenly cancelled it citing scheduling issue. Either he is a lousy party planner or it is a pure coincidence that he and his Leonardo DiCaprio organisation were publicly linked to a multibillion dollar embezzlement case in Malaysia right around the same time.

How apt is it for a movie about embezzlement to be allegedly funded by embezzlement money? There is now a new sequel to The Wolf of WallStreet in the works, with possible titles contenders such as Frozen (Assets and “Lord of the Ringgit.

PRICKLY PICK #3 – Ryan Lochte is accused of fudging robbery story

So the Rio Olympic robbery story that gripped the world turned out to be a run-of-the-mill tabloid headline: drunk athletes busted door, got into brawl with a rent-a-cop –  did Ryan Lochte really think that was going to sink his American Idiot reputation? That’s like Hugh Hefner fretting over what a jaywalking ticket would do to his Playboy image.

Like Las Vegas, what happened in Rio should have just stayed in Rio. But no, Lochte had to cry wolf and lie to his mother who exposed his fibbed story about being robbed at gunpoint worldwide. Then Barbie’s Ken promptly jetted back home, throwing his teammates under the bus.

Congratulations Lochte for advancing from the swimming pool to cesspool in world record time. For that, you won a silver medal to match your bleached locks. Just don’t let the bathroom door hit you on the butt on your way out.

And if there’s one thing we could take away from this entire saga: Don’t lie to your mum. Ever.

PRICKLY PICK #4 – Justin Bieber quits Instagram

Justin Bieber threatened to make his Instagram private if his beliebers don’t stop hating on his new girlfriend Sofia Richie. Even his ex Selena Gomez had to weigh in on the side of his upset fans. So Bieber went one step further – he quitted Instagram altogether, breaking millions of hearts who marked this landmark event with an equally apt hashtag, #Ripbeliebers. But curious minds want to know, where do old photos go when an Instagram account is being deactivated? To instagram heaven? Or oblivion hell?

We will find out when he is back on Instagram by October, fresh from breaking eight Guinness World Records with his latest album [He didn’t even last that long! – Ed]. And no, none of them is for having the most shared photo of his naked butt on Twitter.

PRICKLY PICK #5 –  US Open Goes Neon

The fashion’s so bright at this year’s US Open that you gotta wear shades. Human highlighters are literally going up against each other on the courts of Flushing Meadows as players are decked out in outfits of neon yellow, blue and orange, down to their socks and shoelaces in what can only be described as a colour assault to the eyes. We are nearly blinded by the sight of 2009 US Open champion Juan Martin del Potro aka human tennis ball when he strode out to the court in his fluorescent yellow kit, complete with headband and all. Looks like Nike has just got themselves a new slogan: “Be one with the tennis ball, just do it”

PRICKLY PICK #6 Kristen Stewart Airs Dirty Laundry About Dating Robert Pattinson

Kristen Stewart opened up in a candid interview with T magazine about her former relationship with Robert Pattinson, saying, “People wanted me and Rob to be together so badly that our relationship was made into a product. It wasn’t real life anymore. And that was gross to me.”

Kristen, if you think that’s gross, try brushing your teeth and doing your laundry every once in a while.

PRICKLY PICK #7
Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte Gets Into The Ring & Fires Manny Pacquio’s Bad Karaoke Skills

Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte announced on Sunday that he would be sacking every member of his administration who was appointed by a previous President. This includes Manny Pacquio, his bad karaoke singing skills and personal stylist.

PRICKLY PICK #8 Usain Bolt Brought Up to 10 Women Back to His London Hotel Room

It’s been an eventful month for Usain Bolt, who not only turned 30 and solidified his title as the fastest man in the world, but who also partied, made out, and possibly had sex with people who were not his longtime girlfriend while he was in Rio. PEOPLE now reports Bolt took his talents to London after the games, where he brought as many as 10 women back to his hotel room two nights this week.

What PEOPLE failed to include in that report was that the sex with all 10 women was done in under a minute – another record-breaker for the sprinter.

PRICKLY PICK #9 Boston named US city with the worst drivers

With an average crash frequency of once every 3.7 years, Boston in the state of Massachusetts is the top US city with the worst drivers. It may be the city that houses the best Ivy Leagues but it looks like smart folk may not be the best drivers. We boil it down to Boston having one of the worst English accents on the planet.

PRICKLY PICK #10 Glass Bridge Opens to the Public in China

The world’s highest and longest glass bridge opened in China over the weekend. It was designed by Haim Dotan, an Israeli architect. It is 430 meters (1,410 feet) long, and six metres (20 feet) wide, according to Yahoo News

The bridge’s glass panels are suspended 300 metres (984 feet) above Zhangjiajie Grand Canyon in the Hunan province

As a diplomatic gesture, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton sent China a congratulations note. In it, she writes, “Thanks bitches for raising the glass ceiling much higher than it used to be.”