Film star dreams

Woman in Black

Woman in Black

“Ooh, where’s she from?”

“Wasn’t she in that reality show where she got stung by a bee and then had to have her face amputated?”

Casting is changing, treatment of people is changing. Barriers broken. And of course, people have an opinion. The world appears to be considering the possibility we might have been wrong about ‘box office material’.

We can look forward to casting with optimism and start to to release unlimited creativity. After explaining to one of my students that ‘blind casting’ wasn’t about curtains, I reiterated that we still have a long way to go dispelling stereotypes about age, race, religion and gender.I think this also means I am being robbed of my chance to be a film star.It is I, entering the car park and emptying my recycling into the Tetra bin. It’s me, stepping out of my my car and walking out to the flashing lights of the media. In my head.

Rats, I’ve left my lights on.

“Who would you cast as me?” I ask friends, hoping for an ego trip. Audrey Hepburn? Penelope Cruz? Pete Burns?

“Sue Pollard”.

Casting me would be… stressful.  Though I would love to say I’m ageless, a bit like Sheridan Smith perhaps, I think it might be a little more complicated than that. I may have acquired a sort of Pete Doherty look; especially with no makeup on. Baby faced, but with wrinkles. I strut my stuff in the supermarket bare-faced and think I’m all Home and Away. I clock my reflection and I’m more…go away.

People just can’t seem to work out how old I am. I went out once with my little two month old daughter, hoisted in a front baby carrier. “Too young. Too young to have baby!” an angry lady shouted at me. She seemed livid. Outraged. Pretty much spat at me. I managed to frantically say ‘but I’m 35!!!” but by then she’d gone.

Then there’s the opposite end of the issue. ‘But your like…40!” a teenager responded when asking me if I had small children. How dare she! The audacity. The cheek. I’m 38.

It’s the same with memory loss. I don’t have ‘baby brain’ – I claim to but my youngest is six so I don’t think that’ll cut it much longer. At least soon I won’t have to clean up my children’s skid marks. I look at my at the small figure in a fairy costume and flashing trainers and wonder why people say, “stop acting like a child!” Why define age simply by a number?

Why can’t I zoom down the stairs on a duvet or perform a dance to the Spice. Don’t we all truly love to play?

I cannot wait to be asked for ID when in 87 after winning the BAFTA for ‘Best Actress of All Time’ after being refused a taxi. I’ll zoom off making my own skid marks with my roller skates.

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Funny Women NextUp…Comedy Shorts Award

Are you a budding Director? Producer? Screenwriter? Are you collaborating with friends to make a funny video? Then we are looking for YOU!

If you have a short film or sketch that you think is hilarious, then enter your work for our Comedy Shorts Award to be in with a chance of winning some life-changing support and mentoring from comedy professionals.


A 1- 6 minute film that can take the form of anything comical. It’s a great opportunity to show us your creative flair and have fun!


This award is open to all women filmmakers and content developers. The film must be an original narrative created, produced and devised by a woman, or women, although male cast and crew members are allowed.


Yes – we require all films to be 6 minutes or under, to be entirely original dialogue, to not feature brand logos and most importantly, to only use music with the written consent of the performer and/or publisher either personally or via the PRS system .


We will broadcast selected entries on our Funny Women YouTube channel and social media (so keep an eye out) and the top 10 finalists’ films will also hosted on a dedicated Funny Women Comedy Shorts Awards page on our website. We will also broadcast the final 3 entries as part of the grand final night.


Films are judged for production, concept, delivery/performance, creativity, writing and overall funniness. The top 10 films are then viewed by an independent judging panel of top television and film industry professionals who will choose one overall winner and two runners up. The final three will be invited to attend the grand final in London on the 23rd September.


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