Kate Stone

Kate Stone

Tomboy Tarts: April Prickly Picks

What news events caught the eye of The Tomboy Tirade crew? Hosts of Asia’s biggest and only all-female comedy chat podcast, Persis and Raven from the Tomboy Tarts give their ten prickly picks for the month of April.

PRICKLY PICK #1: The new Pepsi ad is dope AF, Kendall Jenner is fam and we millennials and younger identity with it  % This makes me want to DM my squad, grab a Pepsi, America’s second favourite carbonated soft drink and show those basic cops❤️ . Look at how bae ends the stand-off by giving that man crush a can of soda! So on fleek and totally slaying it with her OOTD. You critics have zero chill. Keep it savage, Pepsi and stay woke.#goodlookinglivesmatter

PRICKLY PICK #2: Donald Trump is not just hell bent on destroying America but he wants to watch the earth go up in flames as well and salt its ashes. Protected land? Not any more! Clean air? Burn more coal! Drink clean water? Here’s a soda! Did something really bad happen to Donald Trump on a camping trip when he was a kid?

PRICKLY PICK #3: Fire broke out at a Samsung outlet in Singapore before the South Korean company is set to unveil its Galaxy S8 smartphone. The cause of the fire remains unknown but we bet the new phone features will be explosive.

PRICKLY PICK #4: The future existence of the United Kingdom is at stake in the hands of Nicola Sturgeon and Theresa May, but it’s their legs that make the front page of Daily Mail. Because we need to talk about how these two women has four legs between them. Last heard 1960s has called and asked for their headline back.

PRICKLY PICK #5: Poor Larry the Cat was caught in a PR storm when he shockingly let a rodent escape on camera. Reacting to public calls for his sacking, the Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office declares that the photo was “fake news”. “I was merely luring the rat to a false sense of security before delivering the final blow off camera” claims Larry, as he defends his appalling lack of killer instinct. Critics beg to differ and say there should be a claws in his contract to rid fat cats from public service.

PRICKLY PICK #6: Brandy and Monica’s 90s duet The Boy is Mine gets a new update as rapper 21 Savage and his rival, 22 battles over who gets to make it nasty with Kylie Jenner in their new hit “The Girl Is Mine”. There is only one problem – the guys may be eager but the newly single Kylie is showing zero indication that she is. We are pretty sure that “Get a hint” is missing from their Spotify playlist.

PRICKLY PICK #7: Male’s underwear brands have just made a surprising discovery about the buying habits of the customers from US, now the Congress has voted to sell everyone’s privacy rights to the highest bidder. “The boxers vs briefs debate is over” says Bob D.S. Mansfield, spokesman of the popular C.K. underwear brand. “We now know that the sexy throng is America’s favourite underwear.”

PRICKLY PICK #8: Apple apologises to its loyal professional users for literally selling them a trash can that cannot be upgraded. They are now working on a brand new Mac Pro lineup that works and looks exactly the same as the current one, except that it comes in an exciting new colour. The Mac Pro (product) Red is set to be released some time after 2019 and you can buy new covers at an additional USD$199 to spruce up your technologically backwards garbage bins with funky stripes or polka dots.

PRICKLY PICK #9: Nivea has recently launched a new whitening range targeted at the alt right. Encouraged by the success of “White is purity” campaign, the German brand decides to get in touch with their former Nazi roots. Their new cream “White Genocide” will bleach your skin to whiter than white with each application and its sunscreen factor will be raised to SPF1000 so you won’t burn your pure perfect skin under the hellish sun rays.

PRICKLY PICK #10: Barry Manilow’s fans were disappointed when he came out as gay at age of 73 and revealed his partner of 39 years. They thought he was saving himself for them all this while. “Somewhere down the road, I was ready to take the chance,” said super fan, Mandy. “Now I Read ‘Em and Weep and wonder if I should love again.”

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