James Burns

James Burns

Stupid Cupid

I joined OKCupid. If you’re considering doing the same, read this first.

I was having one of those ‘oh gosh, aren’t we boring and a bit introverted’ rants with my best friend, and she suggested we both sign up for a laugh. We didn’t have to meet anyone or even reply to any messages, and getting some comments might give us both a confidence boost. I heartily agreed, so we logged on, filled out some stats and waited for the deluge of men chancing their luck.

Stupid Cupid

Ladies, I only had to wait… roughly a minute and a half. 90 seconds after I’d chosen a username, I got my first message. Clearly there are guys out there who aren’t particularly picky. The two of us deliberately unchecked the ‘looking for casual sex’ box to try and weed out the more unsavoury users, but deciding not to press a button will only get you so far.

The quality of the messages I’ve received has been all over the place. Several have been thoughtful, well written and considered. Many have not. As a writer, I’m being very mean and deleting anything with typos or bad grammar. It’s a deal breaker, alright?

Some of the men who have contacted me so far have been very nice, and I’m not knocking their efforts at all. In fact, it’s been quite flattering. Some of the others, though… I wonder if their parents know they’re contacting strange women online.

I’ve been asked if I drink milk – and if so, just how much because DAMN, you know. I mentioned I quite like Monty Python, so one man charmingly enquired as to the condition of my shrubbery. I spoke of my interest in Japan, so of course someone sent me ‘tokyo drift???’ as if that’s the magic password to unlock my knickers.

What is wrong with some people?

I haven’t decided how much longer I’ll stick this out for yet. I’ve read articles by journalists who quit in frustration and rage after about two hours, so I’m doing better than that. Maybe I should turn this into a series? Let me know – or tell me your own OKC horror stories so we can compare notes.

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