James Burns

James Burns

Not Going Out: Excuses Excuses…

It’s March 20th, the first day of Spring! And thank goodness for that.

As the woolly jumpers, mittens and flannel PJs go into storage for another year, it’s time to dust off the social skills and step into a new season. Like a cinema-goer emerging into the daylight, I’ll squint until my eyes adjust to the great outdoors.

And whilst the idea of longer days, warmer wake-ups, and the odd chirping bird is the only thing keeping us going when sleet is slapping us around the face, winter does have its benefits. The best being the perfect excuse it gives us to be utterly antisocial.

“Hmm yeah, I would come out but I appear to be welded to the radiator, sorry.”

“Sure the pub sounds great but I assume it’ll still be there in April, won’t it? Let’s just wait and go then.”

“I’d have loved to come out but I’m afraid of the dark so can’t go out beyond 5pm. Come back to me in six months.”

The offer has got to be good – and I mean really good – for me to leave the house these days. To make me part with my sofa, my fridge, and my slippers, you’ve got to be offering a free lunch or a queue-less shopping trip otherwise I’ll be staying put.

Going out is just too much of an unknown; too many factors we can’t control and too much chance we’ll just have a bad time followed by a long, chilly journey home. But if I stay in and watch an episode of The Killing, I know I’m going to have a nice evening and that I’ll definitely get to bed without the risk of a stranger vomiting on my feet.

And so I have made the most of the chilly season. I’ve revelled in spending many a Friday night on the sofa rather than in a bar, at tweeting my views on the issues of the day rather than discussing them with other human beings who might disagree with me and ruin everything, and marking down ‘stretching up to take the cheese from the top shelf of the fridge’ as my exercise for the week.

I think we’re much better at being indoors than out, us Brits. With our weather, our transport, and our attitudes in the face of other people to contend with, we’re much less likely to end up punching a wall – or the nearest passer-by – if we just stay in as much as we can.

But now that winter’s coming to an end, it’s going to be much harder to get away with being antisocial. We can’t just blame the weather any more; our excuses are going to have to get more sophisticated.

And anyway, what would we talk about if we did go out? The new sandwich recipe we’ve concocted involving fish fingers AND sausages? The speed at which our slippers dry on the radiator after we’ve accidentally spilt hot chocolate all over them?

Really we are doing everybody a favour by being rude, hermit-like weirdos. You’re welcome, world.

Charlotte Reeve lives in London, spends too much time on Twitter, and blogs about all things lady related – boys, weddings, being too cold… etc. She likes staying in, sitting down, and watching Coronation Street – and occasionally going out dancing, as long as nobody touches her. You can read more of Charlotte’s thoughts on her blog Nothing Good Rhymes With Charlotte

Pictured: enjoying the spring sunshine, Charlotte Reeve

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