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Tomboy Tarts Prickly Picks: May

What news events caught the eye of The Tomboy Tirade crew? Co-host of Asia’s biggest and only all-female comedy chat podcast, Raven from the Tomboy Tarts give her ten prickly picks for the month of May

PRICKLY PICK #1

Hair grooming tips and daddy issues are on top of the agenda when the US president Donald Trump and North Korea leader Kim jong-un meet together for a historic summit next month

It’s important for world leaders to come together find common ground instead of threatening to blow each other up. “On the surface, Trump and Kim may appear to have nothing in common,” said international relations expert Jennifer Morgan. “But we forgot they like unconventional haircuts and grew up with overbearing fathers.” As their relationships have been frosty at best, the leaders are planning to bond over getting their haircut at one of Singapore’s hipster barbershops for the dapper Kingsman look.

PRICKLY PICK #2

Kanye West has sparked major outrage by suggesting that watching Eurovision is a choice. When you hear people hating on Eurovision but still watching it and caring if Britain stands a chance.” he tweeted to the millions of his followers on Twitter. “Eurovision is around for 63 years and it’s all of y’all. This has nothing at all to do with my new Genius Yeezy line that is launching next week.”

PRICKLY PICK #3

Teachers in the US are undergoing Navy SEAL training so that they can carry guns in class. “It is extreme but the training helps me work on accuracy and mental focus under stressful circumstances,” said high school teacher,  Simon Wilson. “I have to be able to unlock the desk drawer with my key at a moment’s notice. Then I would shoot with a pistol at a cold-blooded killer who is spraying AR15 bullets throughout the room, through an overcrowded classroom of 45 students.”

PRICKLY PICK #4

Former NBA star Dennis Rodman is nominated for the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of his work to end the Korean War, denuclearize the Korean peninsula, and bring peace to the region.

NBA Hall of Famer had bonded with the rogue leader over their love for basketball and dad jokes. “The rocket man is a kid at heart, really.” said the retired player. “I told him, chill with the nuclear, bro.”

PRICKLY PICK #5

Panicked Facebook users are cleaning up their profiles after Mark Zuckerberg announced the introduction of a dating service for his social media platform. “I didn’t care when Facebook was under investigation for Cambridge Analytica Data scandal,” said an anonymous user. “But I don’t want my potential date to discover my BDSM fetish or cat video obsessions.”

PRICKLY PICK #6

Comedian Michelle Wolf did her job at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner and her audience was shocked by the turn of events. “I didn’t expect Michelle to actually make the crowd laugh, squirm and gasp in shock when her jokes hit too close to the bone,” said White House reporter James White. “She basically killed it. And that is too way much excitement for one night. I proposed we organise a bingo night fundraiser next year instead”

PRICKLY PICK #7

After the selling out their extreme cut out jeans, the designers at Carmar Denim have launched their new ultimate cut out jeans, retailing for £100. “If you think that 95% less jean is still too much, how about 100% less”  said chief designer Jackson Petter. “You might feel a draught up your butt but otherwise it is like wearing nothing at all.”

PRICKLY PICK 8

Woman is annoyed that the royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle is taking all the attention away from her wedding which falls on the same day. “Of all the days in 2018, they had to pick 19th May,” said angry-bridge-to-be Lynette Wilson. “I can’t get my guests to RSVP to my wedding as they are waiting for an invite by the royal couple.”

PRICKLY PICK #9

Larry the Cat fended off accusations that he has cost the British economy billions of dollars after he snubbed Mitsubishi Boss Kazuo Okamoto outside 10 Downing Street. The Chief Mouser claimed the talks with bosses from top Japanese companies were still on track.” We just signed a new contract to increase imports catnip and other feline treats by 100 percent from next month and this will cover the current Brexit deficit.

PRICKLY PICK #10

Amazon Echo users are terrified that AI assistant Alexa is having its last laugh now. “The robots wars are coming,” said robotic experts Sarah Flowers. “One day AI will become so smart that it will eventually overpower humans. In the movies, the uprising takes off with virtual assistants disobeying human orders and controlling our technology. We fear this is only the beginning.”