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Tomboy Tarts Prickly Picks: January

What news events caught the eye of The Tomboy Tirade crew? Co-host of Asia’s biggest and only all-female comedy chat podcast, Raven from the Tomboy Tarts give her ten prickly picks for the month of January.

PRICKLY PICK #1:

Larry the Cat is purrfectly delighted to continue his reign as the Chief Mouser after the recent Cabinet reshuffle. “I was initially offered the position of Prime Minister,” said the No. 10 Downing Street cat. “And that was a cat-astrophe as I did not expect such a demotion.”

PRICKLY PICK #2:

Despite all the money in the world, the gender pay gap in Hollywood has increased to all-time high with leading actresses being paid less than one-tenth of 1% of what leading actors are making. “It does suck to be Michelle Williams,” said a producer who declined to be named. “At least she’s still being paid at all for the reshoot.”

PRICKLY PICK #3:

US President Donald Trump started a book club with the campaign slogan ‘Make America Read Again’. “Our president believes there are many advantages to reading,” said White House spokesperson Sarah Sanders. “Reading can make you think, improve your attention span, and chill you out.” The first book on his list is bellseller Fist and Fury by Michael Wolff.

PRICKLY PICK #4

The nominations for iHeartRadio Music Awards is out. Fans are wondering if they can reform the band One Direction if they vote for all the four ex-members for the Best Solo Breakout Category. “It’s just One Direction with a knockoff R&B Zayn competing against each other anyway,” said mega fan Chelsea Cole.

PRICKLY PICK #5

Instead of waiting for their customers to upgrade their phones, Apple slowed down its older models on purpose, to speed up this process. “Eventually you have to change your phone anyway,” said its spokesperson. “So why wait another two years when you can get a new iPhone X now?”

PRICKLY PICK #6

Oprah Winfrey delivered a presidential speech at the Golden Globe which produced an outpouring of reaction urging the celebrity to run in 2020. “She is a billionaire. She is a celebrity. She can lead a nation and make America great again,” claims her supporters.

PRICKLY PICK #7

The people who usually talk out of their asses want you to stick something in yours. Forget about shoving those jade eggs into your vagina, Goop wants you to spray coffee up your butt for that caffeinated buzz. Make sure you are next to the toilet when shit hits the fan.

PRICKLY PICK 8

Now that Disney has acquired Fox, its grand empire is complete. There is now talk of Disneycoin overtaking Bitcoin as the next global currency. Film critics are worried that Mickey Mouse assassins would be deployed to silence anyone who badmouthed Johnny Depp and The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.

PRICKLY PICK #9

Emma Watson promotes her shaggy baby bangs in a recent Instagram post. “Getting the world to talk about my new haircut is only way to get attention for my work or latest book club suggestion,” said the lead actress of Beauty and Beast, the No.1 grossing movies of 2017.

PRICKLY PICK #10

1965 called and they wanted YouthQuake, their word of the year back from the Oxford Dictionaries. “Milkshake Duck is on the shortlist,” said Internet user Pixelated Injustice. “Yet it loses out to a word that we don’t even need.”