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Tomboy Tarts Prickly Picks: September

What news events caught the eye of The Tomboy Tirade crew? Co-host of Asia’s biggest and only all-female comedy chat podcast, Raven from the Tomboy Tarts give her ten prickly picks for the month of September.

PRICKLY PICK #1:

Oh, look what you make Taylor Swift do: you made her release a Kanye West diss song and launch her own Pop Star Cinematic Universe where her alternate selves pit against each other in a never-ending money-making franchise.  

PRICKLY PICK #2

Did You Kim You Can Dance? North Korea has recently abandoned its plans to develop nuclear-tipped intercontinental ballistic missiles and is instead challenging the US to an ultimate dance off.

As the White House scrambles to find their next big Broadway hit after Hamilton, the latest K-pop sensation from North Korea, a 12-member soldier team aptly called The Military Boys, are wiping the dance floor with their sick moves, ripped physique and idol good looks.

PRICKLY PICK #3:

Unemployed mother of two with benefits went viral on social media after announcing that she is expecting her third child. The thirty-five year old woman spends her benefit money on designer clothing and overseas holidays as the country picks up the tab for looking after her children. She is said to be struggling to get by on the income from her husband’s £450,000 a year trust fund, on top of the handouts from their family and the state amounting to tens of millions of pounds a year. “It’s going to be an absolute nightmare for her. The pre school fees for the kids don’t come cheap, you know,” said an aide who declined to be named. “And she has three of them. How is she going to cope with the upcoming two child cap on state benefits?”

PRICKLY PICK #4:

Parents threaten to boycott John Lewis when their children turn out to be perfectly normal after wearing a new range of gender neutral clothing from the major retailer. “I recently bought a dress with dinosaur prints for my five-year old daughter,” said concerned mother, Ashley Grisham. “But there is no change in her behaviour after wearing it.  She plays with her dolls and legos and still thinks that she is a girl.”

PRICKLY PICK #5

A university student who was recently caught on camera carrying torches alongside other white supremacists at a rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, denied that they were racist. “No way that we are Nazi sympathizers! We just happen to carry their flag, share many of their beliefs and put catchy quotes from their leader on our shirts to the rally.”

PRICKLY PICK #6

The producers of Bromans are raising the stakes in the new reality show by releasing live lions and other exotic beasts into the arena. “We want to know if the lads can cut it as gladiators in the Roman empire. To make their experience more authentic, we are introducing a new segment where they wrestle with wild animals and fight each other to the very end in front of a baying mob. Until we have last man standing, like the good old days in the Colosseum.”

PRICKLY PICK #7

Larry has vehemently denied he is the one causing a big stink along the corridors of 10 Downing Street as his arch enemy snatched up the coveted Chief Mouser of the Whitehall title. The Foreign Office declines to comment but sources said Palmerston had been spotted sneaking into No. 10 lately to presumably mark his territory as the top cat in the government.

PRICKLY PICK #8

Women directors are taking their cues from James Cameron to model their female leads after Sarah Connor in Terminator. “We need to move forward with our portrayal of women on screen. To be strong, our women have to be hard, troubled and able to mow down evil robots. Otherwise it is the male Hollywood doing the same old thing! Instead of striving to create multi-dimensional female characters, why not listen to Cameron mansplaining to us about why our heroes are wrong?”

PRICKLY PICK #9

The most expensive show on the Earth sees their costume budget slashed in favour of dragon CGI and implausible timelines. Are we going to see Daenerys in a bathrobe for her coronation when she sits on her Poäng throne refurbished with kitchen knives for the Game of Thrones series finale?

PRICKLY PICK #10

Is Steve Bannon is going to foxtrot his way into our hearts? The former White House Chief Strategist is in step to become a hot favourite on the next season of the reality show Dancing with the Stars. We heard that he is very flexible.